1. Craigslist rabbi.

2. Hip reverend who only preaches through righteous guitar solos.

1. Argues in favor of the oft-ignored “Forest Fire” theme.

2. Keeps asking groom if he’s been circumcised.

1. Parole officer, even if you do think of him as family.

2. Risqué 70s Cover Band, Sly and the Family Bone.

1. Automatically turns everything into the right decision.

2. Well, if I don’t have a guardian angel guiding my every move, I don’t know who I’ve been talking to.

1. These past two hours have been great and I was just wondering…

2. Every time I think about you I think of my mom…you’re prettier than my mom but still the image is there.