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put a zing on it

You Are Cordially Not Invited To My Wedding

You've picked out your cardstock and color palettes, the envelopes have been addressed, and the decorative bow has been tied.

Here comes the hard part: these invitations are for the people who AREN'T invited to your wedding. How do you tell your distant relatives and frenemies that they didn't make the cut?


Luckily, we've written the perfect anti-invitation for you:

Dear Person I Have Known In My Lifetime,

I have amazing news! I'm getting married.

You may be wondering if this is an invitation to the wedding. It is! It is an invitation to please not come.

Below are the potential reasons why I cannot ask you to join me on my wedding day (the appropriate reason/s will be circled):

A. We used to be close but haven't spoken to each other in more than three years. I wish you all of the best and hope you're doing well!

B. We are co-workers who do not know one another well. If we didn't share the same physical space five days a week, I would never hang out with you. No offense! See you in the office on Monday.

C. We used to be close but became bitter enemies after you totally stole my significant other in college (bitch).

D. We used to date. We ended on good terms but the idea of you being at the wedding makes my betrothed very uncomfortable.

E. We used to date. It ended badly. I want you to know that I'm happy and I'm over you and I hope you got fat and married a woman who ends up being a serial killer of fat, stupid husbands. Die in a fire.

F. You are a family member who I have never actually met (i.e. second cousin twice removed). You probably don't even want to come to my wedding. I'm doing us both a favor.

G. You are an immediate family member that I never really liked that much, to be honest. Stay where you are, you Debbie Downer.

H. I love you, but we're keeping the wedding super small. Don't hate me!

I. We didn't invite anyone – we eloped, suckers! MUAHAHAHAHA.

J. Other: ___________________________________________

Thank you so much for not attending. Any gifts from my registry can be sent to my apartment/house. And hate mail can be sent to my spam folder.

The Bride


Image Source: Pinimg


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