My love. The day has finally come. I made a list of things that I love about you and our relationship:
1. Our respect for boundaries: People always said “Just wait -- as soon as you get married, you’ll move from a cuddly queen bed to a spacious, don’t-touch-me-with-your-stanky-ass-feet king size bed.” Joke's on them! We already have a king size bed, and I haven’t seen the underbelly of your feet for nine years!
2. No sex: The really great thing about never having sex anymore is how I never get UTI’s. So thank you for that gift. Thank you for not giving me so many painful pees.
3. We’re comfortable: One of the best qualities about you is I’m just so darn comfortable around you. More than anyone else. I see my friends go on new, thrilling dates and I think, “I wonder what movies HBO GO added this month.” I’m certain I couldn’t be in my sweat pants and an old painting shirt around anyone else.
4. We make time for important things: Because I don’t feel I have to impress you, I don’t have to spend time on things like my hygiene! I don’t have to wash my hair, for example, and that gives me more time to be with you. Or read mystery novels by myself far, far away from you.
5. We are honest about miscommunication: And even though we still can’t get the hang of eating meals together at the same time, I think we’ll get it. I really think this whole marriage thing will relieve our communication problems.
6. You’re so close to being great: You know what hunny bunny? We’re almost there. Even though the way you haphazardly arrange the spices in the spice drawer makes me want to rip your insides out and hang them on the wall as art, I’m certain I can change you. And then you’ll be the perfect man. Then we’ll be really happy.
I was hoping to get to 10 for this list of things I love about you -- one for each year -- but I couldn't get past six. Lord knows we have eternity now for me to ponder getting at least one more thing to add to that list, if not four.
Happy wedding day, my man.
Wow. I can’t believe this day is really here. Really. But I guess when it’s between common law and marriage, you pick marriage. Right? Oh god did we make the right decision? Yes this is right. I love you, and you love me. Right?
Some of the best times of my entire life were the beginning of our relationship. Remember how we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other? Seems so long ago. But still a memory I hold close to my heart. And a frat buddy of mine once told me that love may go up and down, but it always comes back around. It’s those wise words that make me confident our electric love will come back some day.
For a while, I’ll admit, I wasn’t 100% sure you were the one. But as I stand here today, on this alter, staring into your brown eyes, I can tell you with all my heart, I’m 90% sure. I think we’ll make a decent pair and probably hire a painter to paint our fence white. And tax season will be so much easier. I’m really looking forward to tax season.
Love you with all my heart, or at least what's left of it anyway.